Payback is a Bitch


Someone acts against us we strike back.

We right wrongs.

We throw the hammer down.

We feel threatened we threaten back. Hard.

“Oh how sweet is the smell of revenge!”

Is it?

Look around you...if you’ve been burned in your life and all you see is the need for vengeance you have a lesson to learn and probably more than one.

What motivates you for revenge? What satisfaction is there really? You get hurt so you hurt someone back. That makes you feel better right? Does that really make you feel better? Maybe for a moment, maybe for a day, or two days. But eventually something will be gnawing inside you that says maybe you just should not have done that. Eventually that person you just laid down some stone cold justice on comes back ( and they always come back., just ask every Sylvester Stallone movie). When they come back they do something else to you, something worse. Do you then start thinking twice about another retaliation?. Man, how many times is this going to go back-and-forth before you realize somebody has to stop this cycle. This whole cloud of negativity and hurt and pain and anger and rage and blame isn’t going to go away until someone decides fuck this shit lets move on with their lives.

I mean we all just want to move on with our lives.

I like to say I’m going through somewhat of a spiritual awakening. I think I’ve been going through it longer than I knew and I realize that some of the things that happened to me were part of my process, my journey. They were the precursor, the catalyst perhaps, to this journey and I didn’t even realize the boat had taken off already.

But now that I’m on this journey I am more aware of myself, at peace with myself and who I am, and where I’m going. My energy level and my vibration is so much higher and people know that and they can tell I’m different. I can tell people are happy for me because they see that something has affected such a positive shift in me. I also know some people are not happy for me. Their own lives for whatever reason are not going so great and are so filled with resentment that they can’t be around someone who has shifted. The only thing they can do is try and take them down.

Confession time. So here it is: I watch the Young & the Restless. I have for (hangs head in shame) 30 years. Yup. Actually I just stopped a few months ago because - well I don’t even need to answer that. What I do know is that when my life starts reflecting a daytime soap opera more than what it should - which is not at all- something really has got to give.

What’s happened to me over the past year has been nothing short of amazing. But there were some things that happened that I actually submitted to the writers on Y&R and they will probably work it into a top-ratings sweeps-month story arc. I’m serious here. There was a situation where someone who used to be a close friend of mine - that I still have a lot of love for - saw me happy and decided instead of being happy for me, he’d throw down the gauntlet of hate. This reign of terror was supposed to destroy me. My initial reactions was to ignore it. Then to send well wishes and encourage him to look for the signs the universe is sending him towards a better life. He wasn’t there yet so he couldn’t listen. He continued this harrassment to the point where I considered filing charges against him. The situation eventually came to a conclusion but it wasn’t an easy period of time for me. Despite my new peace, my anxiety level spiked. There were times I weighed my options of how to counter-attack….it would only happen by sinking to his level.

I could easily have destroyed his business with one word to the right person.

I decided to do something that would indirectly affect his business in a small way, more of a statement of power, designed to send him that message. That I had the power now. I thought I was right in my actions and I needed something to make me feel like I had gotten back at him for putting me through this. But does that not go against everything I’m learning on this journey? You bet it does.

So, I’m reading this book called A Course in Miracles, It’s actually a workbook and I do a page every day. Well I set up my plan for ‘justice’ (yeah I justified the action by the fact that it was so minor it wasn’t actual vengeance). Later I open up the workbook to that day’s lesson and what do you know the universe gives us just what we need, when we need it. The lesson that day was on vengeance. It presented me with a challenge to look around and see vengeance everywhere in everything and then ask myself what kind of world would I be living in if this is all I see? Indeed. The lesson for the day had me repeat that sentence several times throughout the day.

What kind of would would I be living in if all I see is vengeance?

I cried. Yep. I broke down right then and there. That’s not who I am anymore, that’s not what my life is about and that’s not what I want for me or even for him. Believe it or not. This person tried so hard to hurt me so badly but is actually someone I still love and if I didn’t love him this wouldn’t have hurt so much. I called off my plans for vengeance. I felt really low for a bit after that. Not because I didn’t take action but because I felt like I set myself back just considering it.

Sinking to their level never works! I’m vibrating at a higher frequency right now and bringing myself down to that just lowers that vibration. And I felt it.

Men fight for their families. So do women.

God tells us to turn the other cheek. That’s hard to do when someone has hurt you or your family and worse yet, what happens when the public makes a call for action? Your whole manhood, your masculinity is at stake here! People are going to question what kind of man are you that won’t fight back?

But the real question is just that. What kind of man are you?

Are you the kind of man that seeks vengeance for those that hurt you?

Are you the kind of man that continues to spawn negativity, anger, bitterness, resentment and blame? And where does this get you?

Is someone giving you a trophy because you fought back? Is there a statue of you in the town square because you got revenge? Even if there was is that really a source of pride?

He tried to ruin my happiness so I crushed his business. Wow! Ticker tape parade for you, you’re awesome! Yeah, not so much.

It’s hard to turn the other cheek and I’m not suggesting we all always do that. I mean someone comes after my family and tries to hurt them, okay exception that proves the rule here. But there are better ways to handle things. We are adults right? I mean….right? So you may have to have a confrontation but it can and needs to be mature, responsible, respectful, and productive.

Read that last word again. Productive. Meaning it has to put an end to this madness. To come to some sort of resolution so you can put an end to the cycle of vengeance.

‘Forgive and forget’ they say. Well remember forgiveness isn’t for them it’s for you, so that you can move on. They don’t even have to know about it. It just helps you forget what an asshole there were. But maybe you shouldn’t forget, maybe you should keep that in mind so that you avoid them and focus your amazing life on those people who aren’t assholes and who make yourself happy.

I’m not saying just lay there taking punches, or not to fight back but make sure the battle isn’t something you won’t be sorry you engaged in. Living a life of meaning and gratitude, of peace and love is going to get you noticed by people who don’t have those things. They want them but don’t think they’ll ever get them. So they want to take it away or see you fight back so they can say ‘ha! You’re not all that evolved at all are you?’

Righting wrongs and making people pay for what they did to you, that is a sticky situation. But only because your masculinity is in question. But it is really only in question by those people around you who are not at the same place as you. You have to know who you are, you have to be confident in who you are. Being secure in yourself and your masculinity, knowing exactly what kind of person you are and want to be…

That is what makes you a man.

I honestly don’t care what they think.

I know who I am.

I know where I’m going.

I remember how I got here.

And I am SO happy with where I’m at.

One final thought….

They say karma is a bitch. It’s not. It’s a freakin’ boomerang.

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